I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
