seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
