I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
