Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
