when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
