i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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