Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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