i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
