so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
