just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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