He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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