so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we're making bets on your personal life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
