What did we do last night that was yellow?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize