Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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