too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
