okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
