Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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