Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
