i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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