if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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