We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
