I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
