if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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