seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
