I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
