Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
