Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
