I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Even my vagina gasped.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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