My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
