ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
