Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
