If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it's great music for shaving your balls
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
