Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
too bad you live with your parents still
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
