we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
