Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
