We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Even my vagina gasped.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
