A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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