Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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