everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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