Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
