I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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