I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
