Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
