He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
