first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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