i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize