Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
