a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
