They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
