He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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