Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
