Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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