yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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