You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
