So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
