Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize