There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
