sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
