GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
