apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
