just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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