you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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