Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
