In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
