you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
