Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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