who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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