There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
