I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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