Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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