I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
