Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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