Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
