I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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