Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
