I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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