so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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