I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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