dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
