I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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