dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Randomize
