just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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