I puked a lego.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
