We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
