your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He did a backflip because drugs
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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