I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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