Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
