the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
