the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
