I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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