Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
