Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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