my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
