You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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