There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
