So drunk, too bad you don't want this
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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